Another quick thought.
I feel like when people meet us we should just wear big signs around our neck that say “I’m emotionally unstable” or “I’m fucking crazy”. Just as a warning, to avoid fights in the future.
When we meet someone, we pretend we’re normal, we hide our flaws, we often wait years to reveal our true selves or attempt to hide it forever, but what is the point? How is that justified? You do it because you want this person to like you, and yet you spend your entire life with this person pretending to be someone you’re not, or less, pretending to be less of you.
I’ll admit, I have that same problem. How do you even tell someone these things without seeming like you just want attention?
I wish when I met her I could have just gone “Hi, I’m fucking crazy and emotionally unstable and severely bipolar and I have crippling anxiety that totally ruins my life and I hate myself to the point where I criticize everything I do but it’s okay because I laugh it off and appear super confident and actually I’m battling anorexia but please let’s talk about food because it’s all I think about and I pretend not to like physical affection but it’s only because when people touch me I fall apart and want to cry.”
At least then she’d know who I am. It’s all I am. I sincerely don’t even know how to accurately describe myself in another way.
It’s not even that I need her to take care of me. I just need her to know so that what I do makes sense to her. But it’s too late now. Forever stuck pretending to be half a person.